Just another day at the office

So, I need someone out there to ask me how my day went... ... ... Hey! Funny you should ask. It started out as such a quiet morning on campus. I had a few minutes before first period and our final round of STAR testing was about to begin, I was in the copy room making a transparency for my 7th graders, then walked out the door of the admin building and into Hell. Rather than tell the story from scratch, I will simply attach the email that I sent to my principal after the incident was over. I so earned my teacher pay today.

Please consider this email as a memorandum for record regarding the incident herein described:

On 5/17/2007, at or about 0850 hours, I had just finished making a transparency in the copy room and was exiting the administration building through the east door next to [the counselor's] office. Upon stepping outside, I observed a large crowd of shouting students gathered at the southeast corner of the administration building. The students were surrounding two girls engaged in very violent mutual combat, grabbing and punching each other. I dropped my copied documents and ran to the crowd, making my way through the gathered students in order to break up the two girls engaged in the fight.

At that moment, the two girls were locked together with their arms as they punched each other, so I forcefully shoved my way between them in an effort to keep them apart. The two girls did not disengage, and continued to try to get at each other even though I was in between them. At the same time, I kept yelling over and over, "Separate! Separate!" Rather than separating, the two girls continued to go after each other even though I was caught between them. Finally, all three of us lost our balance and fell to the sidewalk. My right knee hit the ground first, then I landed on my right side. One of the girls (the bigger of the two) landed on her back beside me, and may have struck the back of her head on the sidewalk.

At this point, the smaller girl disengaged and ran away, but the bigger girl who had landed on her back got up and immediately charged toward the smaller girl in an effort to reengage in the fight. I yelled to some of the teachers who had arrived on scene to secure the bigger girl as she was trying to continue the fight and I got up and began to pursue the bigger girl. At that moment, a significant amount of pain shot through my right knee and I dropped to the sidewalk in front of the east entrance to the administration building. Some fellow staff members helped me to my feet and assisted me into the administration building. Another staff member arrived in the hallway with a wheelchair and I was rolled into the nurses office where she cleaned a small abrasion on my knee and cleaned and gave me a band-aid for a bleeding abrasion on my left middle finger. The nurse then gave me some ice for my knee and asked me if I was OK to walk to class or did I want to stay off my feet. The pain in my knee had reduced in intensity by then, so I elected to walk the short distance to my classroom in order to carry out the STAR testing for the day.

In the interest of being thorough regarding my injuries, at the time of this writing (0934 hours), the left side of my neck is beginning to become stiff and sore. I will monitor it to see if it's nothing or if it gets worse.

I had a noticeable limp for the rest of today, but tonight as I write this post, the pain in my knee has subsided considerably; now it just feels kind of stiff and creaky. However, the rest of me feels like I was in a moderate fender bender. My neck, shoulders, right side of my torso, and right wrist have the same feeling as if I slept on them wrong all night long. I don't think I have any serious injuries, but don't worry, I am going through the whole paperwork rigamarole with the District just to cover my and their derriere.

As for the two girls, I talked to my VP after school and he informed me that they had both been suspended for five days. The bigger girl who tried to keep the fight going has now reached the number of accrued suspension days required to begin expulsion proceedings. Apparently, she already has her very own parole officer. A freakin' seventh grade girl with a parole officer! What has this country come to?

I was happy that both the Principal and VP thanked me profusely for intervening and expressed their sincere regret for my injuries, and one my fellow teachers has now taken to calling me "Slugger". Just another day at the office...

Good Day to You, Sir