Sunday, June 25, 2006

Are you one of these people?

Saturday night, the fetching Mrs. Chanman and I left the kids with Grami and made the trek to the Sleep Train Amphitheatre in Marysville to catch the Goo Goo Dolls and Counting Crows. My wife is a dyed-in-the-wool Counting Crows fan.

I don't go to concerts very often because of one major factor, and I was reminded again of it last night: Jackasses who stand up out of their seats and start dancing. If you are one of these people who commit this dastardly sin, I may know you and love you in every way, but if you stand up at a concert and remain standing, then in that regard, I regret to inform you that you are a jackass. When you stand up and dance, you are blocking the view of the people behind you; not just the person directly behind you, but many people, all of whom paid the same price for a ticket that you did. How nice that you now have a fabulous, unobstructed view of the stage. But how about you keep in mind that the universe does not revolve around you and there are other people behind you who do not wish to follow your lead and stand for the entire concert.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some curmudgeonly party pooper. I love to have a good time and shake my ass too. But when I go to a concert, I go there to watch the band, and I pay good money to do it. I do not pay good money to look at the back of the person in front of me while s/he blocks my view of the reason I came there in the first place. If you want to dance, do it with your butt planted in your seat.

I can already hear some of the arguments against my position on this topic:

Why don't you just stand too?
I already mentioned that I don't want to stand all night, but also remember that if I stand so I can see, then I am forcing many people sitting behind me to stand so they can see around my 6'2" 220+ lb. frame. You see, I am actually considerate and think of others, which is why I refuse to stand at a concert, even if I cannot see.

Why don't you just watch the concert on the jumbovision screen? If I wanted to watch a concert on T.V., why would I drive all the way to Marysville and sit, surrounded by jackasses, in 103 degree heat? I would just stay home and watch a concert video.

Why don't you just realize that people are going to do it and let it go? Because, Lord help me, I have sufficient faith in my fellow man to think that they can change their ways and get with the program. Besides, have you ever watched some of these people dance? If bad dancing were a crime, they would get the death penalty! Or as Elaine's dancing was described in the famous Seinfeld episode, "It looks like a full-body dry heave." I was especially amused by this mental-case obvious ex-cheerleader making the devil-horn-with-the-index and pinky fingers "rock on" sign and repeatedly jamming it into the sky . Uh, Hon... it's a Counting Crows concert, not AC/DC.

So, I have already delved way too deeply into this topic, but that goes to show you just how much it pisses me off.

I do have one funny story of something that happened during the concert. I happened to see some sort of strange movement on the shoulder of the guy sitting two rows in front of me (the rows in between us were empty). I focused on his shoulder and saw what I can best describe as an albino black widow spider whose body (not legs), was the size of the tip of my pinky. It was HUGE! I'm not saying it was a black widow, it just looked like one. I watched the spider crawl across the guy's shoulder thinking that any second he would feel it and flick it off. Nope. Once the spider began to crawl up the guy's neck, I could sit still no longer. I got up and basically slapped the guy on the back of the neck as I swept the spider off of him. He turned around and looked at me as if he was ready to kick my ass; I can't say I blame him. My wife was thinking the same thing, as she had not seen the spider and was wondering why her husband had just whacked this strange man on the neck. Over the noise of the band, I yelled at the guy, "SPIDER!!!", then pointed at the little bugger as it was crawling away. The guy saw the spider and his jaw dropped open. I then stepped on poor Mr. Spider. Sorry my arachnoid friend, wrong place, wrong time. After the impromptu spider execution, the guy reached out his hand and we shook. My good deed for the day was complete, and the best thing is, that guy never stood up and danced during the concert.

Good Day to You, Sir.


t said...

UGH! I hate those people! Try taking your 4' 3" daughter to a concert and having that happen in front of her. The last concert my husband and I took her to this happened. And unfortunately, the guy in front of her was about your size and was NOT considerate of others. Plus he and his girlfriend must have thought they were all alone because, not only were they dancing, but frenching most of the time.

You must be a little nicer than I am. As much as it tweeks my husband, after so long I had to (politely as possible of course) yell at them to sit down so that everyone else could see. I think I shamed them into controlling themselves because they were pretty mellow after that.

You have to be more aggressive. I’m sure as a teacher you have told your students that if they have a question, no matter how stupid, just ask it because they may not be the only one with that question. Well the same applies here. Be the one to say “could you please sit down so we can all see?” (with just a touch of sarcasm) Because chances are, you aren’t the only one thinking that.

Anonymous said...

Get some balls Wade next time tell them to sit their asses down.

t said...

Wade? Wade? Who is this "Wade" of which you speak? Aren't you supposed to use his alter ego name of "Chanman"?????

I mean you don't see Superman in a crowd and yell out "Hey Clark, 'sup?".