The numbers are in, and it doesn't look good. According to this article in USA Today, the year 2004 saw over 1.5 million babies born to unwed mothers.
In the wake of the countercultural revolution of the 1960s, the trend was for couples with children to get divorced. I actually feel lucky that my parents stayed married (and will have been married for 40 years next March). So many kids from my generation came from divorced households. Couples in the 1970s would be married when they had the kids, but then they would divorce and share joint custody and so on. That is bad enough. What often happens nowadays is that Dad never even enters the picture in the first place, or will be there for a short while and then move on. As a teacher, I have taken part in numerous IEP meetings and parent conferences. The majority of the time, only the mother shows up, because there is no father at home. Whereas my generation came from split homes where the parents still took part in the child's life, today's generation, as you can see from the numbers, often comes from a home where there was only one parent to start with. As much as it pains people to hear it and no matter how much people disagree with it, the optimum situation for a child to grow into a healthy and adjusted adult is when he or she lives at home with both parents. As you can see from the USA Today article, this isn't happening so much. One only need look at the crime-ridden areas of our country where the majority of households are headed by a single mother for one to see that the presence of a father is so important. Does this mean that all single mothers are bad parents? Of course not. The problem lies in the fact that to support her family, single mothers have to work, and when they are working, they are not at home to monitor their children, leading to what George Will calls "lightly parented" children. More often than not, it is single mothers who live in poverty, and unfortunately, it is in the poverty-ridden areas of our country that have the highest crime rates. Does poverty cause crime? No. There wasn't any crime wave during the Great Depression was there? However, in our day and age, poverty has been come to be accepted as an excuse for abberant behavior, and plenty of people in poverty take full advantage of that acceptance. Once upon a time, families in poverty were just as stable as more well-to-do families. How many people know that up until the 1940's blacks, whose poverty rate far outdistanced the white poverty rate, tended to be married at a slightly higher rate than whites? I bring up the racial angle, because the black community in the United States currently has a 70% illegitimate birth rate. It pains me to think of all these children growing up without fathers, especially when I grew up with both a loving mother and father, so I know what these kids will be missing. When it came time to have kids, my wife and I took this undertaking very seriously. Aside from first being married, we first made sure that we could afford to take care of our little guy, not just financially, but also emotionally. We have talked about how cheap it feels to contemplate the gravity of our procreation, and then watch other people have children and act like it is no bigger deal than buying a puppy at the mall. During her pregancy, my wife was in an Internet chat room one day for expectant mothers. One of the other women posting was a 14 year old girl, whose post started with, "My boyfriend and I are trying to get pregnant right now...." That, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with the state of child bearing and rearing in our country today.
Good Day to You, Sir
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free... it expects what never was, and never will be." --Thomas Jefferson
4 comments:
I agree with you that children are best raised in a loving, two parent household. I was also lucky enough to have been raised with both my mother and father in the house, and in my life. Unfortunately, after 30 years my parents were recently divorced. Not only did this almost devastate me emotionally, but also it scared the hell out of me. If after 30 years, three children and wonderful life together, they get a divorce then what about me? I work even harder at my marriage now than I ever did. A friend recently asked me, would I have rather had my parents divorce when I was young or now when I am older. The truth is, I would rather it not have happened at all. No matter what age, it always affects the kids.
My husband and I recently went to my daughter’s parent teach conference and one of the first words out of the teacher’s mouth was, “it is so nice to see both parents here being involved”. Sad. My daughter has friends who only have a mother 99% of the time and I see how hard it is on both the mother and the child. When the kids come to our house, they are instantly drawn to my husband. I believe that most of them are in such a need father's attention, that they are happy to get it from wherever they can. I believe that this is why so many young girls that come from broken homes get pregnant at such a young age. They are so starved for a male figure's attention, that they believe pregnancy will keep their boyfriend from straying. They’ve never had that stable male figure in their life to give them the security to make it on their own. Unfortunately, any parent can tell you that it's hard work raising a child.
The last part of your blog didn't settle well with me though. It's wonderful that you and your wife were able to plan when and where to have your child. But I don't think it is always necessary to plan out a child. I actually became pregnant before I married so I try not to chime in on others’ lives when they get into a “situation”. I was lucky in many ways though. First being that the person I married was also the baby's father, second that he is a wonderful father and third being that we have been together from the day we first met and are just as happy now. My daughter has been raised in a two-parent, loving household for the last 10 years and we all seem to be doing well. I know that we are probably a rare case though. So you comment regarding some people “acting like having a child is no bigger a deal than buying a puppy at the mall” hit me personally. It makes you sound extremely judgmental.
I'm sorry you took issue with the last part of my blog, but as we all know, that is why it is my blog. However, you miss my point. You are married and have been for the last 10 years, your child lives with both her mother and father. My ire is directed at these "parents" who have a kid, Dad disappears, Mom either goes on welfare and keeps having the kids, or she has to work her butt off and is never home to teach the kids how not to be little Destructors. I see none of that in your situation.
point well taken.
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